My Reputation Precedes Me - Part 2: Walking while Intoxicated

(This rant is a sequel to The Beginning of My Life as a Juvenile Delinquent)
I have been thinking to myself the past few months that I should continue on my rants about the inside joke about being a juvenile delinquent (which is not actually true).  Now I can continue my stories.  Yes, you may now applaud.  Today I will elaborate on yet another blonde moment that has shaped the myth that I am a delinquent - my incident with spiked drinks...as a minor.

Once I accidentally  drank a mass amount of highly spiked fruit punch.  This was when I was around 13 and at a party my grandparents dragged me to because they were the only ones who could pick me up from a half day at school.
It started with one glass of the yummy stuff.  Twelve glasses later, I was walking, quite awkwardly I might add, to to punch bowl.  I filled the glass and was so greedy that I figured that I would just stand there so I wouldn't have to keep walking back and fourth.  That was when some old lady behind me told me that it had a lot of alcohol in it.  With a large gulp of the punch still swishing around in my cheeks, I had to think of a way to pull this off and still look innocent.  The most logical thing I could think of was to spit what was left in my mouth back into the glass, pour the backwashed liquid in the glass back into the bowl, drop the glass back into the bowl, and, with an innocent look on my face, walk back to my table as if nothing had happened.  Even the walking part backfired.  I clumsily took the scenic route instead of the shortest way, drunkenly tripping over the air in my path. I am pretty weird most of the time but I can't imagine how terrifying I would be under the influence of alcohol. Those poor senior citizens.

Yes, I got drunk when I was 13 at a retirement home.

It certainly did not help when I went to the movie theater shortly afterward.  I was quite happy and clung to my friend asking when it was that she grew so tall.  I looked up her with a grin on my face saying that I had very yummy fruit punch that day.  It took only a fraction of a second for her mind to click.  Then I proceeded to glomp an innocent bystander to the tile floor...because he looked like Jang Geun Suk (or someone else from an Asian T.V. show, my memory escapes me).
Of course, he wasn't who my drunken brain mistook him to be.  My friend apologized on my part saying that I was "one french fry short of a happy meal".

Unfortunately, I still had testing the next day.  That year was the dreaded memory map; yes, we had to draw and color a large map of the world (labeling countries, cities, and land features incorporated) by memory.  Hence the name.  And this was the day of my hangover.  I had anime characters voices in my head claiming colors and which countries would be theirs (for the record, Roy Mustang won...seeing as how he was the dictator of almost every country).  And, I forgot to draw Fiji.  I just wrote it in big bold letters in the middle of the ocean.  I told my teacher it was an ISLAND and since the dot on the "I" was surrounded by "water" that it was in fact on the map.  




This all came back to me on Saturday.  There was a family party in Phoenix.  I will not elaborate on this too much, but my dad's side of the family is pretty crazy.  I had to sit through an odd conversation between one cousin's intoxicated wife another cousin's daughter who is almost four years old.  She proceeded to tell the child of her drunken antics while she sat smoking in the swimming pool.

Leave it to my crazy family to do that trick where you spike a watermelon and drink the juice.  And, yes, they offered me some as well.  I let them know that I was 18, not that it matters much to them.
Here is the interesting conversation that followed between my cousins and my grandmother.
Chris: Isn't the age 18 anyway? And you are 18.
Me: No.  It is 21
Grandmother: Ha! That can't be right.  For girls, it should be 16! *hands me the glass*
Chris: Yeah?  Then what is it for the guys?
Grandmother: *starts laughing again* For them...21!


Yes, it was an eventful day.  And as always, the spiked juice was yummy.  It would have been more delicious if it hadn't tasted like some rotting fruit.