On the Topic of No Topics 3

I am beginning to think that my Topic of No Topics Rants should be a monthly occurrence.  My mind frequently wanders to other things, and as soon as I find it, it is time to write again.

In this post I will rant about things such as the oddities of my kitten Mayem, enlightening you in the taste of the Mayans, and cursing the crimes of "Canyon Cafe".

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Not to long ago, I wrote about my new kitten, that has now officially been named Sparta.  But I prefer his nickname, Mayhem, so I will refer to him as such, at least on my blog.

And now, I would like to clarify something.  Initially, I thought that he was kinda fruity.  I no longer think that. Everyday, he seems to be more and more manly.  I know I should be like a proud parent at the sight of it...but it is slowly beginning to creep me out a bit.  He is now displaying qualities that I never expected from this little kitten.  Well, in cat years he is a rebellious teenager, so I guess I really should have anticipated it.

First, he drools when he is pleased.  I got used to this trait pretty quick.  He also wipes it off on my hand, or any other body part which is readily available.  It isn't a problem.  I understand full well that cats don't have owners; they have staff.  And if one of my roles in his life is to be a spit cloth on legs, I can deal.  But his next quality is enough to drive me insane.  Prepare yourself.

He is clearly proud of his horrific farts, which he also emits when he is undeniably happy.
(An immature topic to bring up, but it rings true.)

I didn't think God created any living creature that could produce an odor enough to rival some of my family members after a night of Taco Bell and their obscure alcoholic beverages.  Until Now!  Mayhem puts them all to shame!  (Think rotten eggs in a cesspool and forgive the repugnant vision.)

I am just sitting on my bed with a good book and Mayhem will be in a lovable mood again.  (He can transform into a non-stop purr machine.)   I must admit, it is quite cute.  But, once he is calm as can be, everything takes a turn for the worst.

He begins to release some putrid vapor from the depths of his being, which is nearly enough to knock me down from the loft.  It is as if some incubus of Satan wormed its way into his glutes, died, and rotted away for months!   I believe the noxious fumes to be the closest thing to mustard gas that I have ever experienced.  I can only hope that I either become accustomed to the horrendous stench before it burns the inside of my nose off.

Until that time comes, I shall try to make sure that I never stand downwind.  Mayhem can watch the Lion King with me, and sympathize with Pumbaa while eating his rare kitty treats, as he continues to excrete a virulent miasma that engulfs every corner of my room.  It shall be a real bonding moment. One that I shall treasure for the rest of my life.

Now, I know all you cat lovers out there are shaking your heads thinking that I am some disgrace to the kitten-owning community.  So be it.  I swear to you that I have been very careful to meet his nutrition needs as I was instructed.  There must be something in the dust particles, which he is able to seemingly ingest out of no where, that makes is output increase astronomically.

I don't know how it came to this.  The more I think of it, the more I realize that Mayhem is turning into a real redneck of a kitty!  I am not going to elaborate on some of his other qualities.  If he were human, he would most likely spend his days downing Mike's Hard Lemonade, collecting mass amounts of Nascar memorabilia, and generally  living by the motto "glorious lack of sophistication".

He does this when he is just being lovable.  And afterwards he looks even more pleased, especially with himself.  I wish I knew if this was some kind of strange way that the male species show their admiration. What goes on in their heads is truly a mystery that I shall never fully grasp.

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I am looking forward to halloween this year.  Partly because part of the plan this year is Soul Eater cosplay.  To summarize, I get to dye my hair blue and throw "tadpole bombs" at people (as long as Mayhem allows me to get my work done...).

Black-kun taught me something interesting today.  The Mayans (yes the ancient civilization ones - duh) would be pleased.  Apparently, they found women with blue hair to be attractive and fashionable.  How they Mayans found people with naturally bright blue hair in the first place is unknown to me.

But this is coming from Black-kun, so I can take it as a compliment.  Besides, it is a great joy to know that I can actually  be called  "fashionable" in some cultures.  It is a first for me, so I can't complain if it is a culture that has long since died off.  I will take what I can get!

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Moving on.  Black-kun.  Sent me something on Skype that makes me smile.

~Ken's Tip #31~    click it

Yes, I am a socially awkward person.  I will not deny to be the freakishly quiet thing that I am.  But even I see the humor in this.

In Japanese class, we are often asked to ask someone "Wouldn't you like to *fill in some verb here together*?"  And I have also noticed an interesting pattern.  Most of the time, guys will say "yes" immediatly.  But the girls will shut them down completely.  In Japanese this only involves saying - "excuse me but there is a problem...." An explicit "no" isn't there, but it is trailing off somewhere in the distance.
It is kinda sad actually.  I don't really see the harm in responding "good idea" or "of course"!  It is just Japanese101!

However, I did have opportunity to ask some random person if they wanted to eat lunch in the cafeteria.  I had hoped that the guy would say "no" just so I could say "You're horrible" (special props to the Japanese re-make of Hana Kimi for that one).
But as all the other guys in the class, the rhetorical yes inevitably followed.

And things got worse when he asked what kind of foods I like; I hadn't been anticipating this, as the conversation does not usually hit this point.  Abandoning everything, I loudly proclaimed my love for steak.  I didn't know he was referring to the food at the cafeteria....I thought it meant in general.

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I suppose the worst part of the steak/cafeteria blunder was the nature of my community colleges cafeteria in general.  They pride themselves in calling themselves "Canyon Cafe".  A cafe!  That is not befitting at all.  They charge obscene prices for mass produced mediocre chicken-strips and other "meals".  Now, I could rant for some time about the ridiculous prices the place on their food...but that would be irritating and a long waste of time.  But what cannot let go of is their prices on salt packets, forks, plates, and the like.  In short, the only thing without charge are the napkins, which I pull out in generous heaps, laughing maniacally to myself "take that cafeteria!".

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Thanks for allowing me to share my musings of the day...It is nearly 1:45 AM where I live...when my mind is most prone to not shutting up...

And Now, A Moment of Awkward Silence

I had a flashback from my past awhile ago, back from when I was a cheerleader (-gasp-).  It was one of those famous moments in my history where people discovered that I do enjoy dropping a sarcastic comment every so often (again...-gasp-).  It began with an awkward silence.  I suppose this stems from have a reserved otaku and a superficial "creature of light" in the same room.  It went something like this... after a rather interesting conversation actually:

Me:  ...

Classmate: (probably thinking) how do I converse with this strange being?

Me: *stare*

Classmate:  "Um so, did you know that every awkward silence a gay child is born?"

I figure that this is a common phrase to all the everyday teenage conversationalist.  But I shall confess, still lacking social grace,  that I am still unsure of the proper response to this.
(Perhaps someday someone will come across this blog and enlighten me). 

And thus another awkward moment was born.

Me: ...

Classmate: (most definitely thinking)  It isn't working!  What could this mean?!

Me: ..."There must have been twins." *insert smile here for added effect*

Mission accomplished.

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So, I have recently been contemplating how to prevent such situations and how to handle them.

I can't help you.  Yet, Dora has her own scheme and I can only hope that it works for you.

In the event that things get awkward, just repeat the following phrase:

"I've never eaten this much CHEESE".

It is best to note that this will have the best results while in the presence of an anime fan (especially one who could get the reference) or someone who is not too mature for there own laugh.

Unfortunately, if the person does not fit into either of the above categories, you had better be actually eating cheese.  Better yet, carry some in your pocket to whip out spontaneously, in case of emergency, and dazzle them with your mad skills.

If the above fails, may they have mercy upon your soul.

The "Untamed and Unnamed" Now Has A Name

Recently, my slow typing has hit a new and impressive low.  Last month, I got a kitten for my birthday, which is actually next month.  He has a fascination with keyboards (or anything that I am doing at any particular moment).  And being the six month old beast that never sleeps, he feels the need to make it difficult for me to add anything to my blog at any hour of the day.

He went through an identity crisis for the longest time.  My mom kept getting his gender confused for the longest time, thinking that he is in fact a she, which is in fact not true!  This messed with my head and I kept thinking that he was fruity and flamboyant (being that he is a kitten, this is actually partially true).  Nonetheless it was difficult to come up with a name for the poor creature.  Hari, Dora, and I tried to think of something fast.
  
1.)  First, Dora liked "Little Guy".

It was ironic to me because there is also a little guy that goes by the nickname of "Little Guy" who works for the F.B.I. in the Trauma Team game.  And at that point, I failed to see the masculinity in my untamed and unnamed cat.  Also ironic because he could turn out to be a real fatty...you never know.  And at that point, I would have to switch to calling him "Big Guy".  One, this is actually not very appealing.  Two, there is also a "Big Guy" in Trauma Team - the orthopedic surgeon who fixes injured people with power tools during office hours, and runs around in a superhero cape throwing cars at drug dealers and other criminals when he isn't performing some obscure surgical procedure.

Thanks to Dora, "Little Guy" stuck as a nickname.  But was replaced after a short while.

2.)  Ashley liked the name "Magnus".  The name was adopted from The Mortal Instruments books.  Why?  Because "Magnus" is the overly flamboyant and fruity "sexy, sexy warlock".  Besides, to an outsider, this name actually sounded quite masculine.

But it wasn't too long after that there were clear problems.  First, the Magnus from the book is "flaming homo", or as I like to say, as straight as a rainbow.  And my cat is not, to my knowledge.

And upon reading the City of Glass book, which Ashley and I promptly decided needed to be burned, the name became harder to accept.
And, put simply, I don't think my mother would feel comfortable getting another kitten to name "Alec" as his male lover.

3.)  I liked the idea of naming him "Mayhem"; it seems even more troublesome than Trouble.  He responded to it quite well (in addition to "Psycho").  The problem - I loved it...mom objected.

For now, his official name is Sparta (you know...The Mean Kitty Song).  I know it isn't original, but it fit quite well, especially since he seems even more manly.

His not-so-official name is Mayhem.