I will start with the Statement Cookie. My friend Leann still has this fortune pinned on her wall, where she has an entire section devoted to these slips of paper. It reads: "This cookie is sweet". But “this” isn’t a cookie. It is, in actuality, a slip of paper. And paper, as many well know, is made from “waste” of left-over tree parts. It is neither sweet, nor appetizing. Which leads me to believe that this fortune, as with most of them (and I shall elaborate on this as I go) is a form of marketing. It won't be long before you see "fortunes" that tell you other bits of info about the cookie that you are about to eat. It makes one wonder how long the slip of paper will be when they start listing off the nutrition facts or ingredients in some corny way. If there is a way to make a cheesy statement about vanilla extract or eggs, surly those behind coming up with fortunes would find it.
But, there is a flaw with this; there are only so many single statements one can make about fortune cookie facts. Sooner or later, when the companies are pressed for time, they will get bored and start making random facts in general. Since fortune cookies are most commonly served with Chinese cuisine, it would fit in very well to be named the Enlightenment Cookie. And it would be served with the Confucius Cookie. It is self-explanatory what those will contain.
What I like to call the “Suggestion Cookie” takes the Statement Cookie one step farther. My friend came home from eating at Panda Express, voicing her complaint that she had been ripped off. Her fortune was trying to tell her “It's time to treat yourself to something special." Think of the possibilities. The statements become more personal. It starts out subtle, trying to lure you into believing that this small packaged item next to your grand total spent on Chinese take-out is somehow a taste of what dining in Heaven is like. Eventually, the "fortunes" will begin to sound like a chocolate commercial. I am not going to elaborate. Just think of a chocolate commercial. I have yet to see a single one in which the word "indulge" wasn't used. You get the picture.
One I that I find most interesting I chose to call the Demand Cookie. I once asked my friend what fortune cookie stood out to her the most. She told me about a particular one that got her attention. She is a competitive person by nature and does not like to lose. Imagine her reaction upon reading this: "If you're still hungry, eat another fortune cookie". I think this one is pretty straight forward. It is a lot like the Suggestion Cookie. Although it is more direct, the two go together well. While the Suggestion Cookie appeals to women (reminding them of chocolate and the endorphins that result), the Demand Cookie is better suited for men. The packaging could read The DeMANd Cookie. It just sounds like a challenge. A prime example of another cookie that is good for profit. As everyone knows, the fastest way to a man's heart, is through his stomach. What better way to exploit that? Maybe these "fortune" makers will expand upon this. They will say instead that the fastest way to a man's WALLET is through his stomach.
The next cookie speaks volumes to me and I have named it the Highly Educated Guess Cookie. On my fifteenth birthday, I cracked open a fortune cookie. The small slip of paper inside read: "Today your mouth might be moving, but no one is listening". I still treasure it. Yes, it was a fail when it came to predicting the future. The moment they used the word “might”, they ruined all my hopes and dreams of the future that day. (Although, the cookie's hypothesis was correct). But, if you ask me, The Highly Educated Guess Cookie would probably sell better if the phrase wasn't so insulting. When I first read mine, I felt like it was telling me to "shut up", and I was sad. Making your costumers feel depressed is no way to make money, especially when selling nothing more than mass-produced cookies.
Now, if it was more along the lines of “you might be the sexiest, most awesome person that has ever walked upon the earth" I would have left that restaurant with a smile on my face. The best plan of action would be to turn it into the Compliment Cookie, eliminate that word might entirely, and shower customers with praise. They would make more profit selling cheap confidence-boosters. Like the Suggestion Cookie, the target audience would be the female population. Women love to fish for compliments. And the Suggestion Cookie will have them fishing for loose change to read their compliment-of-the-day.
My friend laughed when I mentioned the Pick-Up Line Cookie. To this day I am positive that the Pick-Up Line Cookie already exists. A group of friends and I went out to eat once. Our male waiter carefully distributed the cookies as if they had been assigned to each individual. I looked down and read “Love is just around the corner". Lo and behold the waiter glanced around his shoulder, as he literally turned around the corner. He must have had a special stash of Pick-Up Line Cookies.
But, there is a flaw with this; there are only so many single statements one can make about fortune cookie facts. Sooner or later, when the companies are pressed for time, they will get bored and start making random facts in general. Since fortune cookies are most commonly served with Chinese cuisine, it would fit in very well to be named the Enlightenment Cookie. And it would be served with the Confucius Cookie. It is self-explanatory what those will contain.
What I like to call the “Suggestion Cookie” takes the Statement Cookie one step farther. My friend came home from eating at Panda Express, voicing her complaint that she had been ripped off. Her fortune was trying to tell her “It's time to treat yourself to something special." Think of the possibilities. The statements become more personal. It starts out subtle, trying to lure you into believing that this small packaged item next to your grand total spent on Chinese take-out is somehow a taste of what dining in Heaven is like. Eventually, the "fortunes" will begin to sound like a chocolate commercial. I am not going to elaborate. Just think of a chocolate commercial. I have yet to see a single one in which the word "indulge" wasn't used. You get the picture.
One I that I find most interesting I chose to call the Demand Cookie. I once asked my friend what fortune cookie stood out to her the most. She told me about a particular one that got her attention. She is a competitive person by nature and does not like to lose. Imagine her reaction upon reading this: "If you're still hungry, eat another fortune cookie". I think this one is pretty straight forward. It is a lot like the Suggestion Cookie. Although it is more direct, the two go together well. While the Suggestion Cookie appeals to women (reminding them of chocolate and the endorphins that result), the Demand Cookie is better suited for men. The packaging could read The DeMANd Cookie. It just sounds like a challenge. A prime example of another cookie that is good for profit. As everyone knows, the fastest way to a man's heart, is through his stomach. What better way to exploit that? Maybe these "fortune" makers will expand upon this. They will say instead that the fastest way to a man's WALLET is through his stomach.
The next cookie speaks volumes to me and I have named it the Highly Educated Guess Cookie. On my fifteenth birthday, I cracked open a fortune cookie. The small slip of paper inside read: "Today your mouth might be moving, but no one is listening". I still treasure it. Yes, it was a fail when it came to predicting the future. The moment they used the word “might”, they ruined all my hopes and dreams of the future that day. (Although, the cookie's hypothesis was correct). But, if you ask me, The Highly Educated Guess Cookie would probably sell better if the phrase wasn't so insulting. When I first read mine, I felt like it was telling me to "shut up", and I was sad. Making your costumers feel depressed is no way to make money, especially when selling nothing more than mass-produced cookies.
Now, if it was more along the lines of “you might be the sexiest, most awesome person that has ever walked upon the earth" I would have left that restaurant with a smile on my face. The best plan of action would be to turn it into the Compliment Cookie, eliminate that word might entirely, and shower customers with praise. They would make more profit selling cheap confidence-boosters. Like the Suggestion Cookie, the target audience would be the female population. Women love to fish for compliments. And the Suggestion Cookie will have them fishing for loose change to read their compliment-of-the-day.
My friend laughed when I mentioned the Pick-Up Line Cookie. To this day I am positive that the Pick-Up Line Cookie already exists. A group of friends and I went out to eat once. Our male waiter carefully distributed the cookies as if they had been assigned to each individual. I looked down and read “Love is just around the corner". Lo and behold the waiter glanced around his shoulder, as he literally turned around the corner. He must have had a special stash of Pick-Up Line Cookies.
There would be so many creative things to do with Pick-Up Line Cookies, as there is a wide-variety of pick-up lines, ranging from clichéd and sentimental to downright provocative. Whatever floats one’s boat, I presume. Plus, I would imagine these would be a huge hit on Valentine's Day.
And finally, I shall end with The Closest-Thing-That-You-Will-Ever-See-Close-to-a-Fortune-Cookie Cookie. As the name would suggest, it shall go along the lines of, "You will fall asleep in the near future". In all honesty, this is the only one that I have never actually seen in a fortune cookie. If they are trying to predict a future of prosperity, which as shown above they never try to anyway, they mind as well make it literal. Fortunes insinuate luck, good or bad. As a poor, college student, I will be lucky if I get enough sleep at night; sleep is good and too little of it is bad. And fortunes also tend to refer to the future. I will sleep in my future; it is only a matter of time.
If they really want to get into specifics with the idea, they could just mail one to my doorstep which says the following: "You will never want to use the word "fortune" "or "cookie" this many times in a writing piece ever again.”
And finally, I shall end with The Closest-Thing-That-You-Will-Ever-See-Close-to-a-Fortune-Cookie Cookie. As the name would suggest, it shall go along the lines of, "You will fall asleep in the near future". In all honesty, this is the only one that I have never actually seen in a fortune cookie. If they are trying to predict a future of prosperity, which as shown above they never try to anyway, they mind as well make it literal. Fortunes insinuate luck, good or bad. As a poor, college student, I will be lucky if I get enough sleep at night; sleep is good and too little of it is bad. And fortunes also tend to refer to the future. I will sleep in my future; it is only a matter of time.
If they really want to get into specifics with the idea, they could just mail one to my doorstep which says the following: "You will never want to use the word "fortune" "or "cookie" this many times in a writing piece ever again.”
3 comments:
I deeply enjoyed your phlisopical analyisis of a dessert. And you say i'm a better writer than you.
XD you got the statement one from one of mine, right? XD my fav fortune so far ive ever gotten!
Hari: Thank you. I am so glad that you approve. I am pretty sure that you are one of my few writing buddies left. And yes, I do say that. You can sit down and write whenever and it turns out fantastic.
My muse however loves to sleep. Every once in awhile a creative burst will occur and she demands that I give her a keyboard. Yet, as I said, she spends most of her life sleeping. Boredom makes her comatose.
Lee-Lee: Yes, I did get the Statement Cookie one from your's. You should be proud. It was thanks to the Statement Cookie that I wrote this...and I turned it in for a college essay. You will notice changes with this one, because I did get an A on that essay.
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