Where Am I Going With This?

The Little Things I Miss Just Because I am Selfish

-A stash of flaming hot cheetos on the top shelf of the pantry, left there just to torment me

-Anime nights whenever I had a crappy day; sneaking out at odd hours of the morning to make ramen.

-Sleeping in my loft bed, surrounded by my plushies and starting up at the glow in the dark stars that I had so much fun putting up (and writing about).

-Mayhem (my kitty) waking me up because he is trying to eat my hair.

-Mayhem in general. Just having him around to talk to.

-Building forts in the front living room to hide in, and actually having them go unnoticed thanks to all the clutter.

Things That I Never Thought I Would Miss

-Randomly playing my viola just for the heck of it.

-Crazy Grandmother dragging me into her silly plots to hide her meds.

-Falling asleep outside during tough times, under real stars. As long as it wasn't cold or dark (say a pretty full moon or something) it could be oddly relaxing.

Dad?! Shocking I know, but it is Father's Day, he was acting like a jerk (putting it nicely), and I am depressed.

-Being told to wake up my dad for dinner. I was always happy to have an excuse to playfully tackle him, even though he would just tell me angrily to get lost, and then make his own dinner hours later.

-Maybe once a year, he would tell me that I looked nice. Simple. But the fact that it was rare just makes it better.

-Being told that no one will ever marry me. Is it laughable that I am actually posting this? Well, since I am a hopeless romantic at heart, I pray that this is not true. I do not miss being told that I am just like my mother (and not in a good way). But strangely I do miss this. It was fun calling his bluff, pretending that he is totally right. So in other words, I guess I miss being downright mean in retaliation. Going along with his insults instead of being hurt by them was a failing plot of bruising his ego. It is Father's Day and I am being the evil daughter from the depths of hell.

-This is the weirdest one yet, the apologies. They were seldom. And it was as if he was reading off a script, half-assed at best. But it somehow gave me hope.

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And then, Dora reblogged this on Tumblr:

Dad, Thank You For Being There For Me. :)

:/    Right...thanks for that guys. I think that I am just gonna go cry myself to sleep now.

 

My How My Standards Have Changed

Since I moved out, I was drowning in a sea of Japanese homework.  I even stayed up until 5 in the morning trying to finish it all.  The extra credit alone made me want to kill myself. 

Anyway, on one of the worksheets, it was asking to me to write sentences about what I wanted as I child and what I want now.  I suppose I was once a dreamer, but somewhere in adolescence, those dreams were squashed... like a grape.  Goodness, how my standards changed.  And I have not the words.

As a child, I wanted to become a writer and go to Japan.

Now, I want to eat lots of food and sleep for as many as ten hours.

As a child, I wanted books and a cute puppy.

Now I want cheap ramen, too many strawberries, and a handsome, good-at cooking boyfriend with a ton of money.

I Apologize for my Transgressions

On his twitter (man, I feel like an online stalker starting my sentence this way), Todd Haberkorn wrote:

"I feel like twitter is my hot, sexy mistress, and Facebook is my loyal, hard working housewife."

As horrible as it is, this is how I feel about my blog...only not, because I am in fact female.

Tumblr must be my sexy ... lover (clearly for lack of a better word), while blogger is my adoring, faithful husband who puts up with all my crap.