Disastrous Dog

I have ranted about my dog before. She is a fluffy Australian Shepherd who, based on her diet (previously ranted about), should be rather fat...but she isn't terribly fat at all. And when we first got her, my mom accidentally closed the sliding glass door on her head. This inevitably lead me to believe that she suffered some head injury. She has acted like a puppy ever since. To me, she was never the "brightest bulb on the Christmas tree".

The day we adopted her, we named her Lorie, after some place in Australia. But, in reality, Australian Shepherds are not from Australia at all, which pretty much defeats that point. So now, she has an identity crisis. Now, every time I hear her name I automatically think of Kelsy and Ashley's aunt, whose name just so happens to be Lorie (and who isn't actually their aunt), or of a truck...also by the same name. The latter is becoming more and more suitable. For if she keeps eating the amount of food that she does, it won't be long before we do have a dog the size of a truck plowing through our house.

Remember how I ranted about my dogs murderous appetite? Well, she's at it again. Last night she devoured the remainder of her dog food, which is also left carelessly in the kitchen. There was about a week worth of food left in that bag to begin with. And, since this animal has no concept of the word full, we have been trying to put her on a strict diet until it leaves her system. The proof in the backyard tells us that we were doing a great job, and I shall spare the details. (You don't want to read it, which is just as well because I don't really want to write about it either.)

Our family's progress with this crazy glutton came to a grinding halt this morning. I woke up to find trash scattered across the house, leaving a trail from the trash bag to her large sleeping area (she has 3 beds because she is incredibly spoiled as it is). We're bad at our job. Anyway, I find humor in this whole situation because in the trash, there was a sticker, which is now stuck to her face. At this moment, she is in my room at the foot of the bed, whining at me to pull the ridiculous looking thing off already and give her attention. Yes, she lives her days to make me feel guilty, like I have starved her of food and attention, and that is simply not true at all, sneaky little...Perhaps, she is not as dumb as I am often inclined to believe.

Ninja Birds...?

When Dora and I were at the pet store, we found something rather amusing in the bird section.

First, the Naruto universe has extended to the bird kingdom.

There were three birds in a cage, one with a blue beak, one with a pink beak, and one with an orange beak. (Do you see where I am going with this?)

The blue one was on the highest perch, fluffed up in the corner. It glared at the other two with eyes that said "look at those losers". The other two spent most of their time jumping back and forth between the two lower perches. Every so often, the one with the pink beak would stare at the blue one or jump near the it and tried to get its attention. Of course, the one with the orange beak would proceed to annoy the blue one with its antics. The blue one would then look away as if to say "I don't know this moron, I swear".

My imagination ran away with me and I pondered other possible Naruto birds. I assume the pet store would run into some issues if there were Akatsuki birds that plotted world domination...

Other things we saw...

1.) A breed of dove that had eyes that looked like doughnuts.

2.) Another bird that kept choking on grass.

3.) Fish that follow each other like lemmings.

4.) A really adorable cat (just throwing that out there because I am a cat person)

Guilty Confession: I Laugh Hysterically During Horror Movies

I spent the day with Dora.. It consisted of visiting a pet store, watching Full Metal Panic (Fumoffu included), reviewing mass amount of fan fiction together (as she is my writing buddy - luv you Dora), followed by attending the 50th anniversary showing of Psycho at this awesome theater that shows really old movies as well as newer ones.

(I have to say, I enjoyed that movie theater immensely. For one, they placed a mannequin of an old lady next to the screen. They really get into the fun of things. And two, it is the first one I have been to that raffles off gifts in the beginning. In this case, it involved Psycho movie-themed pop-up books and shower curtains.)

Ironically enough, there are references to Psycho found in the comic relief arc of FMP, Fumoffu. I just never picked up on them till now. Needless to say, it made me laugh at the most awkward moments in the theater. Anyone within a 4ft radius questioned if I was the psycho one. Well, put simply in the words of Dora, it is always good too laugh in the movie when a brutal murder is about to take place. And laugh I definitely did!

1.) I laughed in the infamous shower scene. Long story short, in Fumoffu there is a parody of this scene involving a teddy bear mascot and a random piece of fruit. Thus, while the female lead of Psycho was being stabbed I found myself lauging and spontaneously shouting that the knife was actually a banana. I was practically rolling on the floor laughing.

2.) I also couldn't help but laugh at the creeper guy in the movie. Why? Because in the first season of FMP there is a boy who has tragically been given experimental drugs. And therefore, he is terribly OCD. He cannot carry on a decent conversation with somone without going crazy because they need to "straighten their damn tie". If they fail to fix said article of clothing, he will turn crazy.

And so, I laughed in Psycho with that scene going on in my head, imagining to myself that the reason for the next murder would be caused by the detective's askew tie.

3.) On the other hand, some of the things I laughed at were not connected to Fumoffu. The following dialog had me laughing like crazy.

"No I will not hide in the fruit cellar. You think I am fruity huh?"

Yeah...by then I figured out that the creeper son was in fact the cross-dresser acting as his own mother. Not to mention I had an inside joke from a convention going on in my head. Yes, Norman a trap! He is a rather old and ugly looking trap...but a trap nonetheless (Only fellow otakus will comprehend that)

4.) I also laughed at the piece of dialog that went like this.

"I refuse to speak of disgusting things because they disgust me!"

Yes, yes we know. Hence the discussion. In general, people in this movie lacked common sense.

4.) I even laughed at the most climactic part of the movie. Remember my entry in December 2009 on my summer reading experience. That taught me that there are people crazy enough who will hang on to corpses. So, I wasn't phased when this happened in the movie, I even anticipated it. For some reason, I laughed at this. The creeper gave a whole new meaning to "mama's boy" in an almost stupidly disturbing way. Now, I think it is evident why I have re-named Norman "the creeper" and I will forever address him as such.

I laughed at many other things in this movie, many of which are to bizarre for me to make sense of. In general, horror movies make me laugh. I don't really know why. I suppose I can partly blame anime for my strange sense of humor (seeing as how I relate many things to it...).

Death Encounter#1

I have been in near death situations many times given my clumsy nature. Although I think it is slightly extreme, Dora has dubbed me "accident prone". Then of course there are idiots who put me in such situations (ex: crazy moped drivers in Europe).
Last night there came such an encounter. And since summers usually leave me pretty empty and with nothing exciting to blog about, this is a good opportunity.

A good friend of mine (her pen name is Lillian, so I shall refer to her as such) wants to go into filmmaking, so she got an intership with Ignition Project. It is connected with Breakdown. Their media team is realtivly new, and every once in a while they are in need of extras. Last night was such a night so Lillian contacted me. My part was small; I was part of a crowd at a concert. It is a good thing I dance to no particular rhythm whatsoever at home...because that was essentially all I had to do. It was simple enough.

The death encounter actually came later, when the others were shooting a scene in an abandoned parking lot to be exact. Yes, for some reason or another, trouble almost always ensues abandoned parking lots. And thus it did...

A few people, assumed to be gang members came up to the group who was filming. Situational awareness would alert anyone that this was trouble. They were pretty determined to be a part of the shooting (with a video camera of course!). Yet, as soon as they learned that the mission of Ignition Project promotes abstinance and other positive choices, they ran like the wind in the other direction.
And the death encouter occured later when they drove their car through the set, without warning while blasting some vular rap song. Many had to run for cover. Thankfully, no one was harmed.

Given the circumstances, I think that the matter was handled rather well.

When All Else Fails, Ingest Mass Amouts of Cheesecake

All hell broke loose on Father's Day. Our family went out to eat at Olive Garden. During the course of the meal, grandmother revealed that my cousin had graduated from college without telling anyone. Why is this a big deal? Two reasons.
One, graduations are a BIG deal in our family. (My high school graduation caused a big uproar-but that is another story).
Secondly, she majored in social work.

And why is that a big deal?
It impacts my entire summer. I have been planning to move out into a place my dad has for rent; it is the same place my cousin stayed in while she went to college. Basically, she went to community college and then university. Again, my plan mirrors that. She majored in social work. That was a majour that was roccomended for me. She had her daughter before she got married. But THIS aspect is most certainly NOT part of my plan.
Sadly, my mother has ingrained in her head that I will be following in the same footsteps as my cousin. Though this is not true, her hang ups have a big impact on my ability to move out.

Of course, the topic of conversation shifted to MY major and my alternatives. My other grandma (mom's side) came to the conclusion that journalism would fit me perfectly.
Dear readers (how few of you there may be), I take it that you are now rolling on the floor in uncontrolable fits of laughter.
Had she read my blog, such ideas would never pop into her head. I think that this blog makes it evident that it is something to be avoided. For THIS (what you read before you today) is the writing that I truly enjoy.

Everytime I go to Olive Garden, I get distracted my the array of attractive desserts on the dessert menue. I swear; that menu is a ploy to convince guests that if they don't order the most expensive thing on the list, they will regret it for the rest of their dull lives. There is one particular item that always gets my attention, despite my attempts to hide it from my periferal vision. Usually, I manage to resist all temptation. But that night I fell victim to the allure of the White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake. Often, I think to myself that cheese and cake are two elements that should never be combined. I have never been that great at chemistry, but my brain has come to the conclusion that cheesecake, if combined with white chocolate and rasberries, creates a harmonious blend of sweetness, cheesiness, fruitness,..and more sweetness. After devouring the entire slice, I was on Cloud Nine for the rest on the evening,

Lesson: No matter what stressful situation you are in, White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake will give you enough endorphins to make it through the day.

(Oh, and here is one more thing. Happy Belated Father's Day to all the fathers out there.)

Montana Madness

I love alliterations, I really do. So, I always feel compelled to start my titles with one, even if it does the main topic of the thing no justice (well, if I even stick to a main point to begin with!) I don't always, but it is fun every once in a while.

Perhaps is because I just woke up, I am a little out of it. Just as I ranted on April 17th: " I have saved up and invested my money in a Nerf gun. I keep it in my loft bed to ward off any annoying family members in the morning. And it has served me well. Woe to all of those happy-go-lucky morning morons who sing odes of joy to the glorious burnt toast and cardboard microwavable waffles. Disturb my heavenly slumber and you will face the wrath of flying styrofoam." Yet, if I wake up on my own, I am not really cranky exactly. I am just a little...weird.

Why does this relate to my mission trip to Montana? It doesn't really. I just stayed up till 2:45 in the morning and woke up at 1:00 in the afternoon, both just to catch up on this blog. (Well, I guess that is mainly because I enjoy ranting, incorperating humor and sarcasm whenever possible.) Basically, I am coming up with a preemptive excuse for my weird behavior and/or bad writing that is to come (very shortly).

And now...I shall blog all about Montana! (Well, I won't actually get into too many details, for safety reasons).

~Montana!~
On the way there we saw camels, cows, ect. (I must admit that I was thrilled about the camels) But I was excited to see buffalo. I mean, we were driving through BUFFALO! Just when I was wondering why they didn't call the place "Cow" instead, we got to get out of the vans to see them from behind the fence. When we were driving again my friend declares that I should be called "Bison". (No, not buffalo. The PLURAL form of buffalo...because it is cooler) Apparently, it is funny because of the irony. Buffalo are big and fluffy and I am not. Hari looked back and said these memorable words "So Jen is scrawny and bald?"

Yes. Let it be forever known that I am BISON...because I am "scrawny and bald"!

Another church was working with us. They were from Ohio, so they had a pretty long drive too. We were split off into different teams. The teams were named after animals found in the area. I found this amusing; I was part of team Buffalo.

Murphy found me in Montana. Buffalo was assigned to making breakfast TWICE. This meant the need to wake up early TWICE. I had really hoped to get to cut something. I think my knife skills have improved over the years.

(When I was still in elementary school, Ashley (Hari) and Kelsy's parents worked in a deli. Many would assume that my cooking skills improved there. But that is not the case. You see, they had buckets upon buckets of bacon. I devoted much of my time to the consumption of said bacon. If you haven't seen the last bit of my post on April 29th, now would be a good time to do so. http://thesearchinglife.blogspot.com/2010/04/seniors-were-all-mad-here.html )

My first job was, to my happiness, slicing - cucumbers in fact. I was instructed to slice them "as thinly as possible". Well, I got better as time went on. My cucumbers were pretty awesome because...each cut was unique. I had thin ones, fat ones, whole ones, ones sliced in half, symetrical ones, and ones that were not...to keep this from sounding like a Dr. Seuss book, I shall leave it at that.
The positive side of it all is that I had cucumbers to satisfy an array of tastes. The second time we made breakfast, I was assigned to something else. It was a slight dissappointlent but I was still able to cut something - apples and oranges! My friend took over the cucumber department. He stuck to the "as thinly sliced as possible" thing far better than I did.

I loved the work projects even more. I got to wash a house 15+ feet high! I enjoy ladders. There is something oddly relaxing about working up high in the air, serving others while contemplating life.

Yes, again, I loved the work projects. They gave us the opportunity to talk to the people; and they had a lot of things to say. I could sit for hours just listening to them. God did some amazing things on that trip.

And, as I posted on my facebook status when I got back, a good deep conversation with someone is more energizing than an entire bottle of Nos!

Yes, they had Nos there. I love how the bottle says "Warning: Powerful!" in large font on the front. I stare at it thinking to myself Why yes, I can see that as it then preceeds to list (almost boast) mass amounts of Taurine, D-Ribose, L-Carnintine, Caffeine...among other things. Observe the bottle > http://pxlbuzzard.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/nos-bottl.jpg
Talk about the perfect way to self-induce a hart attack, if Nos doesn't work well, almost nothing will. And this was my first energy drink.

I loved staying up late in deep conversations. In doing so I discovered my affinity for steak, and how I will inevitably crave it at 2:30 in the morning, despite my laziness. After a good conversation with Hari, we decided to tun in. Next thing she knows, Jen is babbling about wanting steak, at some absurd hour, and she wouldn't mind mashed potatos smothered in gravy. A bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos would not hurt either. But steak was the most important and the Flaming Hot Cheetos should be eaten later, as a dessert or something.

Things I contemplated...
1.) On that trip, I contemplated how horribly lazy I am in the morning. Even lifting a fork to eat cereal could be counted as manual labour.
2.) I also contemplated that I am a delicacy for mosquitos there. For even when I practically bathed in bug spray, they would at least land on me by the dozens.
3.)I contemplated why God would create such vile creatures. I came to the conclusion that it was done to test our patience and I left it at that.
4.)I contemplated why the hotel in Wyoming would not heat their swimming pool (and how cold it was given the fact that it is summer). Hari tried to get me to jump in with her, since she was suffering. I refused, as I felt doing so would be a suicide of hypothermia.
5.)I contemplated why a little 8-year old would dare to call me short. And I contemplated why this tested my patience and how to handle the little brat.
6.) I contemplated that our van had the coolest name out of all of the three: Thruth or Consequences. I also contemplated that we should someday take a road trip to a place that I am happy exists -Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
7.) I contemplated that the children had a better concept of sharing than my friends. Kelsy and Erika would not let me help mop the floor.
8.)I contemplated the dynamics of the game "Duck, duck, goose", why we were playing it for about 45 minutes, and how our circle grew and mutated to an oval, then a half-oval, and then a line.
9.) I contemplated, on a deeper level, all the amazing things that God was doing that I never anticipated.
10.) I contemplated these things and much more but I cannot find words to say all of it. And now I contemplate how to incorperate the many things I still want to say into this post.

Moving on...
On the way back, everyone was given Indian tribal names. Since I reminded them of Spring, I was dubbed "Many Flowers" (thankfully not "Mini Flowers" as I first heard). But that was too...well, FLOWERY for my taste. Sticking to the theme, I am now "Melting Snow"...but, should I complain too much, it has potential danger of becoming "Yellow Snow".
And Kelsy is Wandering Deer. If I get irritated with Mon Amor (though I seldom do), I am contemplating calling her Roadkill Deer.

When Snow Melts, What Does it Become?
I can't help but smile that my new tribal name kinda fits into my theme here on blogger. That was never planned. My blogger theme is a total Fruits Basket reference. Although most people would be inclined to say "water" when asked this question, when the snow melts, it becomes Spring.

Summary of Summer

Initially, I had hoped to make all my senior, graduation, and trip stuff more fun to read. But alas, once it hits 2 in the morning I get lazy until I hit my hyper state at around 3. So, I figure I can just give a summary like Dora does in her blog. (Her's is actually FUN to read - http://lineofpessimism.blogspot.com  

  ~Senior Trip!~
The first day we spent hours at the San Diego Zoo. I saw pleanty of odd creatures there that I have never heard of them before. Put simply, it was evident that God most certainly does have a sense of humor.

Next we hit the beach. I don't really have much to say about that really. It was really cold at the time so, I dug a giant hole and sat in it. Oh, at there was a creeper there too. Remember what I told you about my reverse harem. I only attract children and creepers.

My personal favorite on the list was Disneyland. For future reference, there is a drink you can buy there that contains sprite and apple syrup (horray for high fructose corn syrup...and that would be sarcasm.) Actually, what made that drink special was the fact that it GLOWED. Yes, glowed AND changed colors. Imagine my elation. Rest assured. It was not radioactive. Remember how I am easily amused? They put a fake ice cube in it that happened to have a built in led light. And there was even a button on it that changed the settings. My fellow seniors seemed to be embarrased to have me in their small group of people because I could not help playing with it.

And on the last day we went to Six Flags. I can't say much about it because I was dubbed the pack mule. Like computer repairmen, Six Flags staff are money grubbing enablers. You have to pay to keep wallets and such in a locker for one hour. Otherwise, someone from the group will have to sit out. And there seems to be an unspoken veiw that the "non-rider" is too whimpy for the fun rides and has been ostracized. I found this rather irritating as I DO love roller coasters.

~Graduation!~
Here is an interesting fact. PRCA's high school graduation was held at the same exact church as my Casas 8th grade graduation. And four years ago, I tripped up the stairs...and then down them. This year, I walked up the stairs, maybe even gracefully (though that could be pushing it) but tripped down the stairs...but TWICE. I blamed the escort of course. Now, is that an improvement from before or just Murphy mocking me?

I would like to say that my friends gave me an epic gift. They are shoes (resembling bright pink Converse) with all our inside jokes and such written on them. And of course, Ash felt compelled to draw Chibi Roy with puppy dog eyes and sparkes that plead for me to wear a mini skirt. Every time she draws such an image for me, I curse the day I was talked into cheerleading. Hari gives a good point on why I should resist the temptation of putting on such a monstrocity. Since he was drawn on the toe, he can see right up said skirt with his sharpie colored eyes.

~Iowa!~
I loved being able to go to Iowa for my cousins graduation. She is like my twin in many ways. We don't see it but even her own family members got us mixed up. And her boyfriend got us confused too, rather awkward.

She has photoshop talent (we share that interest too) and nothing quite like combining ourselves and the Exorcist movie pics into the slideshow for the family graduation party.

But for most of the party, I hid upstairs in her room. (Her graduation class had more than 400 kids so there was not really a need for me to be present at the time). How did I entertain myself you ask? I took pictures of my shoes that I got for graduation (the ones with all the quotes of my friends on them). I wanted to put it up as a profile pic on facebook. But, I suppose it was rather strange for one of her best friends who walked in on "some random person" taking pictures of her feet in Eileen's bedroom.

Things got better when we played "Keep Away". Along with star tipping, I have become addicted to such things recently. It is one of my favorite pool games ever. All my cousins and I plus a rubber ball in a tiny pool. There were two teams with 4 people on each. I suppose I like it because it reminds me of that game called Spoons. For some odd reason I find amusement in fighting passionatly over inanimate objects that have little value one minute but are "life or death" the next. I clawed my way to that ball...though now I have scrapes and bruises to prove it.

My next rant will be the Montana trip. But it was amazing and deserves a rant of its own.

Seniors: We're All Mad Here (Part 2)

I am debating on how to start this rant with something worth reading. As it is already 1:45 in the morning while I type this, nothing really comes to mind.

Seniors had to take all the finals early for senior trip. Yes, it did inhale profusly. But we were rewarded with the senior camp out on the football field. It was time to implement our prank. I am proud to say that ours certaily went down in history. We threw a pool party in front of the school. Unfortunatly, it took all night to prepare for it and getting inflatable slip and slides and pools was a challenge. Long story short, we borrowed them from people who were practically strangers (I believe the nicer term is "mutual friends") and inflating water balloons for 2 hours past midnight. By three in the morning, after coffee (and a bottle of Melon Ramune in my case) anything seemed funny. So, the real fun began.

That night was my introduction to star tipping. Assuming that you know what cow tipping is, this is the human equivalent of such...entertainment. Basically, stare at a star, spin in circles while looking at said star, and then someone shines a light in your face. Next thing you know...you and the ground have become very close. At first, I was incredulous. I fall enough on accident as it is and it certainly was not something I looked forward to self-inducing. Perhaps it was something in that Ramune...I tried it. Yeah, I can verify that ANYTHING is funny at 3:30 in the morning...probably funnier at 4!

Murphy & Me: Laptop Lamentations

I am deeply ashamed with my rather long hiatus. Don't be angry at this tactless comment, but I take pleasure in destroying readers' brain cells with my pointless rants (and atrocious grammar and spelling errors). I hope you have heard of that annoying "Murphy's Law" because it just so happens to play a large role in my life. My friend Ash always says that Murphy is practically in love with me...well the feeling certainly is not mutual. Observe.

My laptop got beheaded by my dog. Well, technically she was searching frantically around my room in search of food. How an animal with that much of a keen smell could mistake such an invention for something eadible is well beyond my comprehension. She ended up knocking it off my desk and "Lappy the 3rd" broke. Supposedly, it's "motherboard" was destroyed, according to those money grubbing enablers who had my wallet writing in pain just to check it out. In modern vernacular, it now suffers from servere mental retardation, given the fact that it's "brains" are practiacally falling out.
Then again, I figure that you would be scarred to if you were mauled by a rather large Australian Shepherd, driven by her stomach. On a tangent, you can probably see why I say that my dog's appetite will be the death of her (I will not go into deep details about her affinity for chocolate...of all things, or how she once devoured one of those scented markers and her mouth was dyed purple for a week).

For the longest time I was bound to my mom's laptop. But it didn't let me do anything. Put simply, it used to be mine. It fell victim to a tragic fate. Someone spilled water on it and well...it's innards were electrocuted. If laptops were not inanimate objects, I think it would be fair to say that the device in question harbors a very deep grudge against me.

Well, enough about ranting about the lamentations of laptops. Since my last posting, things have gotten very busy and I have a lot of new pointless things to blog about (now would be a good time to pray for your sanity). This includes: the long awaited senior prank, graduation, and the crazy events that followed. And no, we did not release pigs onto the school's campus. I suppose this is a relief to some...and a depressing disappointment to others.

To regain my dignity, I will try to stay up typing as much as I can. I want to get caught up anyway. That, and I am rather amused with this keyboard.

I know; I am easily amused by many things. It comes with the territory of being an only child I guess. I have a desktop now, for obvious reasons. That alone is enough to keep me occupied. (Not to brag or anything...but it is cool. It is a touch screen, for the boredom impaired I assume.)